Ch 10: Belong: Part I of II

Drama warning! Oh the drama!


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Jin'thekk sighed happily as he exhaled smoke, sitting on his usual perch on the porch railing. He'd just been in such a good mood the past few days, having Koshei around. He tried not to think too much about it, and forbade himself from admitting that he wished Koshei would stay forever. He just took each day as it came, and each day had been quite happy lately.

He watched as his father finally put out his pipe and carried Yarifeth inside. Taking that as his cue to leave, he hopped down from the railing and put his hand on Koshei's shoulder.

"Come, lessgo somewhere nice tonight," he invited. It was a perfect night with a clear sky and a bright moon, and a myriad of stars twinkled in every corner of the sky. He kept his hand on Koshei the entire time, until they reached the docks and he pulled out his carved boat and pushed it into the water.

He took Koshei by the hand to help him in, then stepped in himself, rowing them to a tiny island that floated between the village and Echo Isles. He stepped out first then pulled the boat into the shore, so that the elf wouldn't have to get his feet wet.

"Dis place be nice, eh? I go here sometimes, for peace and quiet."



It certainly wasn't in his imagination, this thought that Jin'thekk was being exponentially more affectionate as the time went on. Yet still, he hadn't said anything regarding his rejection of Koshei the first day they'd met. The memory of it ate at him, putting the reins on his affections, constantly urging him not to forget that he'd been burned. Yet Jin'thekk never spoke of it and was now giving Koshei even more attention, acting more sweet and doting than before. The elf was so confused that it ached; it ached in his chest, in his mind, in every part of him that could feel.

Koshei was uncomfortably silent as they took the canoe over to the remote island. Being alone together at night only made him remember what had happened on the beach. Was that was Jin'thekk wanted? Was he going to say sweet things to him, hold him, and fuck him… and then in the morning, cut his heart out yet again? Because Jin'thekk was so afraid of being hurt that it was easier to hurt someone else?

"Yes," he said absently, running his hand over the rim of the canoe. "It's nice."

He finally drew his attention away from the boat, following the troll up onto the shore. It was pretty here, but all Koshei wanted to do was leave.



Jin'thekk sat himself against a tree and started rolling another smoke, noticing that Koshei looked somewhat uncomfortable. He lit his tobacco and took a puff, his eyes on the elf the whole time, wondering if he'd done something wrong. He thought Koshei would have liked the attention. Was he wrong?

"Ya a'right over der?" he asked, a thin veil of smoke flowing from his lips. "Come sit down, we relax a bit 'till it be a good time to go back."

He patted the spot next to him, giving Koshei a small smile.



Koshei returned the smile, though it took some effort to do so. Maybe if they just sat for a while and then went back, it would be okay. Perhaps nothing would happen.

"I'm all right," he insisted. He hesitated, then walked over to the tree Jin'thekk was leaning against and sat down next to him. A fair amount of space had been left between them, however, as if Meiles were watching.

"I'm just tired, I think…"



"Ya had a long day," Jin'thekk acknowledged. He noticed the gap between them and scooted closer to the elf, then brought his arm up to put it around Koshei. "But it be good, ya?"

There was an awkward pause for a moment, and Jin'thekk stared at the stars for a while, thinking of something to say. "It be good havin' ya here. Ya make, uh… little mama happy," he finally said, giving Koshei's arm a little squeeze.



So today was good, was it? Koshei tensed at those words, remembering the last time Jin'thekk had said those words.

"Yesterday be good, ya. We keep dat as a good t'ing."

It felt like deja vu. Why was he holding him so close, as if they were more than friends? That arm felt so nice — part of the elf wanted to lean into it, to rest against Jin's chest and just listen to him breathe. The other part wanted to push it away.

"I'm glad," he said, trailing off in thought. "But… I should go home tomorrow."

Tomorrow, they would carry on with what their lives 'should be.' He made himself smile again, glancing over at the troll.

"Wouldn't want to overstay my welcome, after all."



Jin'thekk froze at Koshei's words. His arm tensed and he stared at Koshei for a moment, his jaw slightly caught slack. There was something cold about his smile.

But he was able to regain himself soon enough. His hand curled into a fist and he removed his arm from Koshei, instead resting it on his knees that were now folded in front of him.

"…I see," was all he said. He knew that day would come eventually; he'd been preparing himself for it. So… why did he feel not at all ready?

Still, it told him he was right. See? Koshei came, and now Koshei was leaving. Koshei was going back to his colorful life of the Horde, outside Sen'jin, with many friends from many backgrounds, one adventure after another. Something a silly troll from a small village could never offer.

He clenched his teeth bitterly and took another drag. He thought it was going to be a nice relaxing night together, just sitting and looking at the stars, perhaps talking. But no, now Koshei was telling him goodbye.

He thought long and hard for something to say, something that didn't sound bitter. Something that sounded well-wishing. Something that says he was not attached.

"Go, den."



Koshei tried to keep himself collected, though for some reason he wanted to just cry like a child at those words. Why couldn't Jin operate anywhere but the far ends of the spectrum? Why did he either have to be teasingly affectionate or ice cold? He'd come to stay in order to get the troll used to his presence, to gain his trust and allow him to break down his walls. Apparently, he'd failed.

"Fine," he said, his voice breaking as he got up. Hurriedly, he fished for something inside of his robe, then tossed it down. The tinned rolling papers he'd bought in Dalaran landed at the troll's feet with a curt plop. Not knowing what else to say, he took a step forward to begin casting a teleport, his hands shaking. There was no way he could stay the night, not anymore.



Jin'thekk cursed himself under his breath. Why did he have to say that? Things were going fine! He just had to ruin it with his big fat mouth, didn't he?

He didn't know what to do or say. Koshei was stepping out of his life - again. Just how it should be. Just how he planned. This was right, wasn't it? Koshei should go. Just let him go. He kept repeating it to himself. He should go, he should go, he should go.

So far he was doing a good job of bearing it. But when he saw the little present fall at his feet, his heart stopped.

He had no idea why he was doing it or what he would even say to Koshei about it. He didn't even know what he wanted to happen. Without a clear expectation of what this action would bring him, he just instinctively reached out and grabbed the mage's hand, interrupting his spell, and throwing forcefully tossing him to the ground by the wrist. Why was he doing this? Why?

"Dammit, Koshei!" he yelled. "Damn you!"



What had been the beginnings of a portal to Dalaran suddenly fizzled out as the mage was brought forcefully down. His breath left him momentarily. He didn't struggle, only looking up at Jin'thekk with pained eyes.

"What do you want from me?" he asked, trying to keep his voice from quivering.


"…I don' know!" Jin'thekk yelled back, feeling very aggravated. He was hurting inside, but he could not understand why. He never had to deal with this much emotion before, and he felt like he was going to explode. He felt like he was eleven years old again. Confused. Hurt. Vulnerable. Yet somehow this felt so much worse.

"Aaaaaagh!" he roared and turned around, not bearing to look at Koshei, frantically running his hand over his head. He paced around angrily for a while, until finally he gave up and let himself fall down to the sand. Landing in a seated position, he covered his face and lowered his head between his folded knees, still groaning in frustration.

"Koshei… I…," he trailed off. He stared at the sand beneath him for a while, trying to gather his thoughts before trying again. "I… "

How would he say it exactly? Eloquence was neither something he nor his father knew anything about. Neither was talking out their feelings. He had no idea how to express himself and what was troubling him.

"I be so confused, Koshei."



Watching Jin'thekk lose control was actually beneficial for the elf — it sobered him. He could see his own confusion and his own pain in the troll; things were beginning to clear up for him while at the same time, Jin was only becoming more unraveled.

Koshei turned and pushed himself up, letting those words hang in the air. A moment later, he moved up next to Jin, trying to catch his eyes. It would have been so much easier if Jin'thekk had just been cold and let him go. It would have hurt, of course, but at least Koshei would have stopped wondering. Now, it was all he could do.

"If you don't know what you want," he said slowly. "Then what don't you want?"

He hesitated before continuing.

"What are you afraid of?"



The words jolted Jin'thekk, snapping him out of his stupor. What didn't he want? It was indeed an easier question. Still, it made him feel so vulnerable even just thinking about it. Dare he tell Koshei?

"It all end da same," he said, quite hesitantly lifting his head. As he spoke he kept his eyes off the elf, and instead stared out into the water's horizon. "I… I be a simple troll, Koshei. I no have any'ting for ya. I be no hero, I be no smart troll. Ya grow tired of me soon. I try hard to be prepared."

He remembered being a little boy, growing up knowing that his father didn't want anything to do with him. Then suddenly learning that his mother had had enough of him as well. "I be so surprised before. But dis time…"

"…But it be harder dan I thot…"



So Yarifeth had been right; it was because he didn't want to be abandoned again. Koshei felt both empathy and frustration. He knew how it felt to be left behind, and he could understand how Jin'thekk would never want to feel that again. But still, it hurt, knowing that whatever they'd shared, or could share in the future… it wasn't worth the risk?

"No one can promise someone that they'll never tire of them," he said gently, despite knowing it wasn't what Jin'thekk wanted to hear. "No one knows what the future will hold."

Carefully, he leaned in closer to touch the side of the troll's face. His fingertips touched gently, tilting Jin's head to make eye contact.

"What I do know is that… if you push me away, we won't have a future."

He took in a breath, trying to keep his hands from shaking.

"What law says I have to love a hero, or a scholar?" he asked, brow furrowed. "The same one that says you have to be with a woman? A troll? I've been hurt too, Jin. But being with you… makes me want to try again."

The elf was looking straight at him, his eyes locked on the others, unwavering.

"Am I worth a try to you?" he whispered. "Or not?"



Jin'thekk looked back at Koshei, his glowing green eyes looking determined. The troll's, on the other hand… They flickered on and away from the elf's, still uncertain. He wished he could just push Koshei away, to go and never return, to not have the power to make him feel like this.

But he'd pushed him away last time, like he should have, and he had been in an emotional hell because of it. When Koshei came back, it was like the world felt good again. If he pushed him again this time… he'd go back to that lonely place.

So this was it, wasn't it? His only choice was to delay the inevitable. Someday, when Koshei would leave him, his heart would ache again. But at least he wouldn't have to go through that pain now. Then maybe throughout all this he'd figure out how to deal with being left behind again later.

"Koshei…" he began to whisper. "Stay wit' me."



Koshei let out a breath, giving the troll a faint smile. Jin'thekk wasn't giving up on him. They had a chance now, and the elf knew he would do everything in his power to make it work. It was strange, to feel so strongly after having known him for such a short time.

"I'll stay with you whenever I can," now holding Jin's face with both of his hands. "That, I can promise."

It would have been easier if Jin'thekk would come with him; he was strong and capable, and Koshei was certain he would be accepted into the ranks of the Horde with no issue. But Jin'thekk had already expressed his distaste for that idea. Koshei supposed he would just have to spend as much of his free time in Sen'jin as possible.

Koshei leaned in closer, kissing him warmly, showing him that what he was saying was the truth. His eyes closed and brow drew back. He'd wanted to do this since he'd first arrived, but only now was it safe to do so. They'd come to accept each other's apprehensions.

"No matter where I am," he said, pulling back for just a moment. "You'll never leave my thoughts."



Jin'thekk's heart fluttered as he felt the warmth of Koshei's lips press against his. He never forgot how they felt, and never expected to feel them again. As Koshei pulled away he found himself moaning, his lips wanting to move forward to take them back in.

At those words he felt a huge rush of elation, and with his hands he pulled Koshei back to him, back to where he belonged. With eyes shut tight he inhaled the elf's breath, savoring all the sweetness that his mouth brought.

No matter where I am. Koshei's words resounded in his head. He would wait for him, always. But then… Was waiting enough? How could he be satisfied being so passive, just sitting around Sen'jin, waiting for Koshei to show up at his door? The lack of control disturbed him. Koshei was going to make the effort to return to him. But what about Jin'thekk?

And as he continued to kiss him, he thought about his life in Sen'jin: His quiet, peaceful existence, just going about each day as it came. Watching his father and his wife go off and return, and him always waiting. The world outside the village always seemed too much for him. But now that world had Koshei in it. And suddenly, the village felt too small.

And at that moment, Jin'thekk decided that he was willing to follow him anywhere